I can so relate to this post, Sarah. For me, it is my failure to meet my book marketing expectations where I am constantly beating myself up. It feels as if I'm always trying to improve in that area, but the reality is that I really suck at marketing. Trying to post something regularly on social media and always thinking of ways to promote my books is ongoing internal battle. Book marketing is a constant push out of my comfort zone and feels like a necessary evil, which makes me ask myself your questions - Is there value in admitting that I'm bad at something? Must I improve myself in everyway to consider myself a success in this venture? Hmm - Maybe I should start to be kinder to myself. Maybe I should accept what I can do and forgive myself for what I don't accomplish. Because, it's not like we're not given it all everyday, but there is only so much one can accomplish and still hold on to our sanity. Thanks for reminding of us this.
Hi York, thanks for the reply. Yes, it is nice to know we are not alone in our struggles to be noticed, especially in a world that continually streams new content every second. Some days it's hard to stay in the game and keep up the good fight, especially when we we're up against posts with cute cats. It's hard to compete with a furry little feline, unless the cat is reading the book. Hmm -Maybe I just came up with my next post! :0)
Emails are obligations that someone else is placing on you without your consent. And I have been guilty of that! So, as one of those folks who have previously been in your inbox--and who you did reply to--feel free to ignore us in the future. :-)
The only part of the book Deep Work that I remember at all had to do with auto-replying away the obligation to answer emails that weren't wanted. It definitely sounds impersonal, but if it helps you focus on managing your stuff rather than everybody else's stuff, that's a win!
Assume the emails will not stop--what's the best way to deal with them? Answering each of them personally is not the answer. They'll just keep coming! Perhaps I'm evil, but--if you're not auto-replying to say you might get back if you're interested--I don't see anything wrong with form letters. I had an internship at a publishing company once (and I've read for several online magazines), and we sent many, many, many form letters in response to unsolicited (slush) submissions. The authors who sent those submissions often were very invested in them, but the authors didn't die horribly because they received a form letter in response. They just moved on to whatever was next--the next publisher, the next agent, etc. Yeah, it's a bit of a bummer not to be Chosen, but it's not the end of the world. (Yup, I'm evil AND heartless!)
So have some permission to decide you're not going to be "good" at email and punt the responsibility for what other people want or need when it doesn't align with what YOU want or need. I know that's much easier said than done, and sometimes email can be a nice respite from other work that you (or I) really should be doing, but why don't you give it a try?
Sarah, you are guilty of nothing. I love seeing emails from you (though I apologize about being bad at responding to them!) Nor are you evil or heartless — your advice is excellent. Sending you love and hugs. <3
Your highly relatable email conundrum makes me think of Oliver Burkeman's book "4,000 weeks" in which he talks a lot about getting comfortable with the fact that we just can't do everything, not even the allegedly important things. It's physically impossible, and he says it would be worth our effort to get more comfortable with the concept of things being undone (for now or possibly forever) versus trying desperately to fit everything in with traditional time management strategies (especially emails). If you get "better at email," you just get MORE EMAILS because you write responses, then people respond to you, and the tyranny continues. What if you're not bad at it at all? What if this is just how you're able to interact with emails? It sucks that there's so much etiquette and cultural baggage around response times. You're not being rude; you're just working at your capacity, which is influenced by any number of things (energy, stress, perfectionism, the weather, how many dishes are in your sink, etc.).
Unsolicited advice alert (please ignore if advice is annoying): what if you crafted some kind of auto-response that isn't self-disparaging and says something like "[insert welcoming phrase here]. I get a lot of emails, and it takes time to respond with the care and thoroughness that I value. If your message is time sensitive and I miss your deadline, please know that it's not personal! My email hamsters just didn't make it to your email in time." Your email practices are then somewhat out in the open without brow beating yourself or perpetuating the idea that you should respond instantly, and you've technically responded with a place holder message. :)
same! although i can feel my capitalist productivity mindset creeping back in after having finished the book about a month ago. might need to be a frequent refresher book for me. his messaging is so helpful and also feels like swimming upstream from all the programming we're exposed to on a daily basis.
Oh! I have a copy of "4,000 Weeks" but I haven't read it yet. 👀 Sounds like it's time. And your advice is really good. I'm going to set that up right now! Thank you. :)
Maybe it's time to read about time?? (ha) I found the first half of the book mind blowing on a page by page basis. My attention flagged towards the end, but then picked up with the last chapter because it was a list, and I do love me a list. Glad to hear the advice giving wasn't alienating and maybe even helpful. Thanks for your newsletters and your podcast. I don't care how frequently they come out; they're always interesting and thought provoking!
I usually don’t read most of my email subscriptions, but I like to be subscribed. This time I’ve read it (as a person who is bad at many things) and it did resonate with my ADHD struggles I get in my day job re: emails and priorities. Man, what a mood.
Thank you for reading! I appreciate you saying that so much. I didn't mention ADHD in this post because I'm never sure how much of my experience is because of ADHD, and how much of it is universal. But perhaps I should have. 👀
Well I just read this post as an email that has been lying in my inbox for a week (weeks?) Anyways, I think you shed some light about a problem I tackle every single day of my life. And looking at the way you respond to comments, I have a feeling you really put your energy into curating the best response you can give to someone, hence it eats up time you or any of us email procrastinators don’t have to give.
There’s so much to do and sometimes a perfect email is just a headache to get through. But thanks for making me realize why I am tardy with certain things and am not, and it’s purely got to do with my intentions, and I’ve decided to listen to myself first.
Thank you for sharing the best insight as always Sarah. Awaiting the next post!!!!!
I thoroughly enjoyed the irony of your emailed letter about being bad at all things email-related :)
I think it’s more than okay to be bad at something. We’re only human. And I wonder if instead of thinking of yourself as bad at emails, you reframed it…you’re REALLY good at using your Life’s minutes for the things that bring you the most joy and/or peace of mind. Maybe? :)
If the fact that it's taken me three weeks to read this post (which I DID get in email form) is any indication this is a problem I completely understand. I can NOT handle my emails. I've tried so many things but they always seem to still be endless. And then I get overwhelmed by them. And then once I'm overwhelmed I stop checking and then I miss opportunities. I WANT to be better, but they are also so low on my priority list that it's a struggle. I get excited when I've sorta caught up, but it literally usually lasts like a couple hours.
I can so relate to this post, Sarah. For me, it is my failure to meet my book marketing expectations where I am constantly beating myself up. It feels as if I'm always trying to improve in that area, but the reality is that I really suck at marketing. Trying to post something regularly on social media and always thinking of ways to promote my books is ongoing internal battle. Book marketing is a constant push out of my comfort zone and feels like a necessary evil, which makes me ask myself your questions - Is there value in admitting that I'm bad at something? Must I improve myself in everyway to consider myself a success in this venture? Hmm - Maybe I should start to be kinder to myself. Maybe I should accept what I can do and forgive myself for what I don't accomplish. Because, it's not like we're not given it all everyday, but there is only so much one can accomplish and still hold on to our sanity. Thanks for reminding of us this.
Patti, thank you so much for sharing this. I like the idea of being kinder to yourself. :)
Hi Patti I'm not the greatest at advertising my stories.
Going on social media to post clever tweets and viral videos is taxing.
Some people are phenomenal at selling their stories they make it look easy.
Too often I beat myself up if my efforts on social media goes unnoticed.
Thanks for your comment Patti, it's good to know that I'm not alone.
Hi York, thanks for the reply. Yes, it is nice to know we are not alone in our struggles to be noticed, especially in a world that continually streams new content every second. Some days it's hard to stay in the game and keep up the good fight, especially when we we're up against posts with cute cats. It's hard to compete with a furry little feline, unless the cat is reading the book. Hmm -Maybe I just came up with my next post! :0)
Thanks Patti, you made me smile 😃
Sarah,
Emails are obligations that someone else is placing on you without your consent. And I have been guilty of that! So, as one of those folks who have previously been in your inbox--and who you did reply to--feel free to ignore us in the future. :-)
The only part of the book Deep Work that I remember at all had to do with auto-replying away the obligation to answer emails that weren't wanted. It definitely sounds impersonal, but if it helps you focus on managing your stuff rather than everybody else's stuff, that's a win!
Assume the emails will not stop--what's the best way to deal with them? Answering each of them personally is not the answer. They'll just keep coming! Perhaps I'm evil, but--if you're not auto-replying to say you might get back if you're interested--I don't see anything wrong with form letters. I had an internship at a publishing company once (and I've read for several online magazines), and we sent many, many, many form letters in response to unsolicited (slush) submissions. The authors who sent those submissions often were very invested in them, but the authors didn't die horribly because they received a form letter in response. They just moved on to whatever was next--the next publisher, the next agent, etc. Yeah, it's a bit of a bummer not to be Chosen, but it's not the end of the world. (Yup, I'm evil AND heartless!)
So have some permission to decide you're not going to be "good" at email and punt the responsibility for what other people want or need when it doesn't align with what YOU want or need. I know that's much easier said than done, and sometimes email can be a nice respite from other work that you (or I) really should be doing, but why don't you give it a try?
Another (more evil) Sarah
Sarah, you are guilty of nothing. I love seeing emails from you (though I apologize about being bad at responding to them!) Nor are you evil or heartless — your advice is excellent. Sending you love and hugs. <3
Your highly relatable email conundrum makes me think of Oliver Burkeman's book "4,000 weeks" in which he talks a lot about getting comfortable with the fact that we just can't do everything, not even the allegedly important things. It's physically impossible, and he says it would be worth our effort to get more comfortable with the concept of things being undone (for now or possibly forever) versus trying desperately to fit everything in with traditional time management strategies (especially emails). If you get "better at email," you just get MORE EMAILS because you write responses, then people respond to you, and the tyranny continues. What if you're not bad at it at all? What if this is just how you're able to interact with emails? It sucks that there's so much etiquette and cultural baggage around response times. You're not being rude; you're just working at your capacity, which is influenced by any number of things (energy, stress, perfectionism, the weather, how many dishes are in your sink, etc.).
Unsolicited advice alert (please ignore if advice is annoying): what if you crafted some kind of auto-response that isn't self-disparaging and says something like "[insert welcoming phrase here]. I get a lot of emails, and it takes time to respond with the care and thoroughness that I value. If your message is time sensitive and I miss your deadline, please know that it's not personal! My email hamsters just didn't make it to your email in time." Your email practices are then somewhat out in the open without brow beating yourself or perpetuating the idea that you should respond instantly, and you've technically responded with a place holder message. :)
"My email hamsters just didn't make it to your email in time."
Very cute
I’m reading Four Thousand Weeks now - what a refreshing way to look at time! It’s been a gamechanger for this ‘productivity geek’ :)
same! although i can feel my capitalist productivity mindset creeping back in after having finished the book about a month ago. might need to be a frequent refresher book for me. his messaging is so helpful and also feels like swimming upstream from all the programming we're exposed to on a daily basis.
I feel this. There are books I have to re-read constantly to stay within their message.
Oh! I have a copy of "4,000 Weeks" but I haven't read it yet. 👀 Sounds like it's time. And your advice is really good. I'm going to set that up right now! Thank you. :)
Maybe it's time to read about time?? (ha) I found the first half of the book mind blowing on a page by page basis. My attention flagged towards the end, but then picked up with the last chapter because it was a list, and I do love me a list. Glad to hear the advice giving wasn't alienating and maybe even helpful. Thanks for your newsletters and your podcast. I don't care how frequently they come out; they're always interesting and thought provoking!
I usually don’t read most of my email subscriptions, but I like to be subscribed. This time I’ve read it (as a person who is bad at many things) and it did resonate with my ADHD struggles I get in my day job re: emails and priorities. Man, what a mood.
Thank you for reading! I appreciate you saying that so much. I didn't mention ADHD in this post because I'm never sure how much of my experience is because of ADHD, and how much of it is universal. But perhaps I should have. 👀
Well I just read this post as an email that has been lying in my inbox for a week (weeks?) Anyways, I think you shed some light about a problem I tackle every single day of my life. And looking at the way you respond to comments, I have a feeling you really put your energy into curating the best response you can give to someone, hence it eats up time you or any of us email procrastinators don’t have to give.
There’s so much to do and sometimes a perfect email is just a headache to get through. But thanks for making me realize why I am tardy with certain things and am not, and it’s purely got to do with my intentions, and I’ve decided to listen to myself first.
Thank you for sharing the best insight as always Sarah. Awaiting the next post!!!!!
Thank you for reading, Farah — you get it!!!
I thoroughly enjoyed the irony of your emailed letter about being bad at all things email-related :)
I think it’s more than okay to be bad at something. We’re only human. And I wonder if instead of thinking of yourself as bad at emails, you reframed it…you’re REALLY good at using your Life’s minutes for the things that bring you the most joy and/or peace of mind. Maybe? :)
Recent text messages
Thank you for these insights, Kelly!
I made into a game to achieve zero inbox but most of the times it doesn't happen.
My Gmail account is an area of frustration, guilt and stress.
Sometimes I can't be bothered with it so I start hacking and slashing each message.
However this only leads to more guilt with the thought, "what have I done?"
I maybe throwing away vital information and opportunities, but in reality most of my emails is a waste of time.
Thanks Sarah for helping me feel less guilty, that's probably not your intention but it worked.
Thank you, York. :) I'm glad.
If the fact that it's taken me three weeks to read this post (which I DID get in email form) is any indication this is a problem I completely understand. I can NOT handle my emails. I've tried so many things but they always seem to still be endless. And then I get overwhelmed by them. And then once I'm overwhelmed I stop checking and then I miss opportunities. I WANT to be better, but they are also so low on my priority list that it's a struggle. I get excited when I've sorta caught up, but it literally usually lasts like a couple hours.